Coping with Change

To improve is to change; to improve is to change often. 
– Winston Churchill

CHANGE, ahh…the dreaded word.  What comes to mind when you think of change? For many people, change can elicit feelings of fear, anxiety, and outright despair.   Many of us avoid change like a plague.
If you are someone who is avoidant of change, it is important to consider what may be stopping you from making the changes necessary to enhance your life. Perhaps you are in a rut in an area of your life, but have not committed to making a change.  Often times, we do not change things that make us unhappy or unfulfilled due to fear of the unknown.  We are comfortable with the “known”, and feel out of sorts when we venture out of the safe zone.  The discomfort of change can keep our lives feeling safe and predictable.  However, this may not allow us to live the best lives we can.  The fear of change can keep us in a cycle of disappointment and failure. 
Human beings are creatures of habit.  Have you ever met someone who continually talked about going on vacation, and then once there had difficulty adjusting to the lack of routine?  How many of you work with or know someone who constantly complains about his/her job, but does not take the initiative to look for a new one?
Change can mean many things to people and take many forms.  Some of you may have gotten a new job, started a new relationship, moved homes, had a child, became a grandparent, or experienced the loss of a loved one.  Some changes are inevitable; some changes may be out of your control.  However, the manner in which you  cope with and adjust to these changes is critical. 

Overcoming Fears of Change – Here Are Some Steps
1.      Sets goals.  Choose something you want to change and set a daily or weekly goal that will take you a little outside your comfort zone.  If the overall goal is to be more sociable, make an effort to start a conversation each  day with someone you do not know very well.
2.      Make small changes.  If you are not yet ready to take on major life changes, make small ones to start.  The more practice you have with making  minor changes, the easier it gets, and you will become gradually accustomed to going outside of your
comfort zone.
3.      Break down your goals into smaller steps.  It may be overwhelming to think about all the changes you want to undertake.   Think of the steps necessary to get there and allow yourself time to accomplish small tasks that will eventually lead to accomplishing the larger goal.
4.      Plan ahead.  After repeating the same processes many times, our brains and bodies can become wired to repeat themselves.  Therefore, try not to jump into something new immediately.  This may set you up for failure.  Envision in your mind what you would like to change and how you see it playing out in the short and long terms. For example, if you would like to change jobs, imagine what kind of job you foresee yourself changing to and imagine the process it would take to reach that goal.
5.      Keep yourself accountable.   Often times we list all the things we want to change, but do not follow through. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone list the changes they want to make, but it “just hasn’t happened”.  Check in with yourself 
to see if you have actually taken steps to make these changes.  Changes don’t “just happen”—you have to work for them.  Give yourself small deadlines towards reaching each goal, and once each goal is reached, set a new one.
6.      Involve a support system in helping you make changes.  Tell your close friends, acquaintances, and family about the changes you would like to make.  People in your support network may have ideas on how to reach these goals. They can also share
their experiences.  It also helps  to tell others so they can check in on you and help keep you motivated as you make desired changes.
7.      Recognize and acknowledge successes.  Even if you are making very small steps towards change, be sure to acknowledge them and give yourself credit where it is due. You may want to set up a reward system, such as treating yourself to a nice self-care type of activity of your choice once you have reached a desired goal.  The more positive you are with yourself as you reach goals, the more you are likely to continue to have successes.
8.      Be easy on yourself and allow for blips in the process.  Although I advocate being accountable, it is also important to realize that things will come up unexpectedly. Don’t let these events be an excuse not to change and do your best to get back on track within a reasonable time frame.
9.      Always allow space for a little fear.  I am of the belief that if you go through life without being afraid of anything, you may not be living to your fullest potential.  Doing things that are scary is healthy on occasion, as you sometimes need a little push.  For example, if you have always wanted to teach a class, but are terrified of public speaking, push yourself to do a small speaking engagement.  Although it may be nerve-wracking, realize that you will not be perfect the first time, but that with each success, you will become more confident and relaxed.